you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So here I am, sexting at work.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
