So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will be naked everywhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
