thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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