just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
