I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
