i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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