Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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