there was a trapeze. enough said
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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