I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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