its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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