The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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