we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
