If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
