Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
