it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize