her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
