soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
