And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do vagina's smell?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
