Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
