so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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