i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
