i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
