I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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