it's too hot outside to masturbate.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
