One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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