Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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