IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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