using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
