do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's always time for handjobs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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