This girl is more easily done than said...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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