watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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