She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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