so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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