I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
