I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
