Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
wow bdsm is so cute
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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