you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
