To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
