The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
