Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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