im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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