Who wears a wallet chain?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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