Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
