Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
