Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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