You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize