i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
