I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
