So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize