Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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