The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
