Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
