Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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