Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
