did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
