Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
