I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
