2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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