he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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