I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
