Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
