Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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