drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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