i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize