Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize